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CAN’T SLEEP
come tomorrow morning, or actually, come a few hours from now i'm really going to hate a lot of things. for instance, it is currently 12:13 am and my ass is wide awake. already hating that. i have to be at work at 8:30am and as it is i'm kinda hating my job. oh, before i go much farther the reason i am awake is because i can not get my damn head to shut off. seriously, every thought a person could have i'm having. it's a random stream of conscienceness which sucks because i'd really love to be sleeping right now. i can't even concentrate on a book. i know i warned everyone about my spelling but because of the severe randomness of tonight i rewarn you all again. anyway, i figure i'm just going to type a bunch of nonsense until i can finally fall asleep. oh where to begin. i haven't forgot about my list of books, they are coming, however, i am currently trying to motivate myself to get started on two papers that i have for classes, a test to type, and probably some other shit too that i continue to put off because i apparently am in love with procrastination. it's funny, i read all these books about people who have done great things, i have friends who are doing great things or are at least more productive then i am, all this inspiration around me and yet i am about as unmotivated as they come. i'm still waiting for that big kick in the ass to come. i'm glad everyone seems to like my last blog also. i wrote that in my intro to lit class. i changed a few lines when i blogged it but whatever i'm allowed to do that. again, funny thing is, i really don't think i'm a very good writer unless i'm writing about myself, then (obviously) i can go on forever. so if you are still with me now i am impressed. i haven't gone back over this yet to reread it but i'm sure it is just a bunch of blahblahblahblah. thanks for sticking it out thus far. i'm still wide awake. i was talking about work earlier i think, and how i'm starting to hate it. for those of you who don't know, i am a paraeducator. a teacher's assistant or something like that. basically i work with special needs kids. please don't think that makes me a good person because to be honest with you, there are days when i just want to start punching kids in the face. i could have a better day talking to a wall sometimes. the only training i received going into this was watching a video on blood born pathagens. basically, were gloves if you have to touch something gross, and don't touch kids in bad ways. to which i say, no shit sherlock. however, i have learned alot in the last two years of doing this, for starters i know that i never want to teach even if i am "good with kids". i have no patience. none. once i have exhausted my options of what i know to get a kid to learn i find myself getting incredibly annoyed. i hate being that person. and yet here i am still awake, all be it finally starting to get tired, knowing that tomorrow i am going to be one seriously cranky bitch. be glad you don't have to do fourth grade math with me. oh, does anyone pop their jaw religiously? i do, and it's starting to hurt, but i can't stop doing it. i just do it without even thinking and it's giving me the worst headaches ever. i just found myself staring off into space, i think that is finally my cue to go to bed. if you lasted this long, then maybe you can't sleep either, or maybe you are a bit of a massocist(one of those words i'm not looking up, you know what i mean, fuck it i'm tired now, i'm not going to look it up), whatever your reason, i hope you enjoyed something from this.
as my dear daddy used to say, good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite!!!