So earlier tonight on facebook i set my status to say, "i want to blog tonight and i'm looking for a topic. suggestions?" well, due to the overwhelming response of two people (it was rather late when i posted it so i'm really not trying to be snarky :) i will definitely address the topics they brought up. first, one of my absolute dearest friends, sarah fellows-oaks, wished that i should let everyone know what an amazing friend she is to me. since i couldn't agree more i will now state it for all to know that infact sarah fellows-oaks is probably one of the best friends a person could ask for. i met sarah Jan. of 01. that was when i started working at chili's. we hit it off instantly if i recall. sarah and i have been through some rough times, i won't get into her personal specifics but i'd like to think that i was there for her during a rough patch and she was definitely there for me through all of mine. we've also had our own personal rough times. i remember coming home from KC once when we were roommates to find my room in disaray and more then a couple pairs of my shoes thrown up into a tree. details aside and in hindsight, i now realize that what she did she did out of love. i was about to make a huge mistake and in her own unique way she stopped me from doing that. lately i've had a fallen out with another person i considered a really close friend, and in light of what's been happening in my life i've come to realize that the friendships i have are incredibly important to me. so, sarah, you may have been joking when you said that i should blog about how awesome you are but, the truth is you have always been a true friend to me. you have always been honest with me even when i didn't want to hear it and you did it in a way that was tactful. i honestly feel like i can be myself around you and not have to fake anything. i am truely grateful for your friendship. thank you, and i love you.

moving on from all that sappy stuff :) my friend randy also had a few suggestions for me that i will address one at a time.
1) as far as writing another short story goes i plan on doing it. i wish i had more time to sit and write but it's hard for me to write unless "inspiration" strikes or i'm at work or class when i don't have the proper time to give it what i need.
2) uh, here's a fun fact. since i've started working at the library i've come to realize that you can check out movies and cd's. i guess in a way i've always known this but the great thing about it now is that you can check out up to 8 cd's for free, burn/download them to your computer and burn/download them to your ipod or whatever. all for free if you get them returned on time. um....AWESOME. what a money saver. i started a list of holds for cd's i want that i don't have to buy. i really love the pop folk music like james morrison, amos lee, and ray lamontagne so if anyone has any suggestions i'd love to hear them!
3) as far as dog stories go, matt just adopted a new puppie from the cowley county humane society. his name is chuck and he is an absolute doll. we don't know what the father was but the mother was an australian sheep herder, so naturally we gave him an australian accent mate. he is pretty much scared of everything at this point but he's is slowly coming around. i'll post some pictures of him on facebook soon.
4) i am crazy excited for my upcoming hiking trip. however, i am crazy out of shape still. i thought i would be in a better workout routine by now but alas i still have not developed one. matt is thinking we should hike about 15 miles a day, which is reasonable, except for the fact that i may die. i need to seriously get ready for this trip. we're planning a trip to colorado to do some hiking/camping which i think will give me a good indicator as to where i am physically. i am not looking forward to the results.

when i started this i had a lot more energy, but as it is i'm wiped. so i will leave you all with a few thoughts. while i like/love my job i wouldn't turn down anything that is full time, benefits a plus, and of course pays well. i have many skills, let me know if you know of anything.
i also bartend for weddings or other events, if anyone needs that particular set of skills.

as always, i love getting feed back so please let me know what you think, what you want to hear or not hear. thanks for reading, i really will try harder to do this more often. now upon saying that it will probably be months before i'm back. NO! i refuse. oh, one last thought. i'm planning on keeping a daily journal for my trip starting with the trip to colorado over memorial weekend. i will do my best to keep that updated. i also told matt that he has to remind/force me to write something everyday so if i do fail it's really his fault. :) ha.

loves,
Camille

So i'm not sure what tonights topic is going to be about. If i had to guess right now i'd say this is gonna be pretty random. So, I'll start with what's on my mind.
Friends. I love them. What would I do without them. Well, this week I would have been in a better mood maybe. Fuck man. the truth is a hard thing to hear, but it's especially hard when you already know the truth and without asking someone feels the need to drive your insecurites home. i've been bummed out since saturday night. i know it will eventually pass but right now i'm just sad. you get to the point where there isn't a point in arguing or even trying to reason with a person because they are telling you how irrational or defensive you are being when really i could barely get a word in edgewise. P.S. i am an angry person and i get defensive. i also hate holding shit in so if something comes up i'm the kind of person who will get "worked up" about something for about 10 min (sometimes it will take all night, but that particular bitchfest was probably planned) or so till i'm done venting. but, when i'm done venting...i'm done. so, as a warning label to any potential friends out there, beware, when attacked i tend to get defensive. i haven't maimed anyone yet but apparently it's just a matter of time. i guess i should also thank all of you out there who have found it in you to be my friend however difficult i am. WOW! thank you all for attending my pity party. whoosh. i had to get that off my chest, and coinsidently i am now pretty much over it. also, it was in no way directed at anyone who reads my blog. i don't think the person who this is in reference to reads this. at least i think. moving on.

i'm looking for workout tips and healthy eating tips. lay it on me.

i got a lot of really good responses to my story. thank you all for reading it. i was at a stand still with it but i think i can take it further now. anyone who hasn't read it and would like to, it is posted on my facebook page under my Notes. for anyone who has read it, it hasn't changed i will let you know when/if it does.

i had a rocking spring break. mom and i did a lot of shit around the house that i know she's been wanting to do for awhile. we had a good time.

so, that's really about it. i'd love to hear some feedback about this or any other postings. till next time......i'll keep being awesome if you keep being awesome.

first and foremost, i totally remembered my original password just out of the blue the other day. and let me just say it was completely random and it's amazing i ever remembered it in the first place.
second, i finished my story for my creative writing class. i would post a link here for it but i'm not quite sure how to properly link something from my Microsoft Word to here (HELP). in the mean time i will try to post it as a note on facebook, so look for it there. i have already turned it in for class, will hopefully get some feedback from that special group of people by next thursday (3/12). but, i still want feedback from anyone else who wants to lay it out there. a few people have said that i should keep working on it and try to get it published which to me means, dolla dolla bills ya'll. i'm sorry that was out of line. but, i do like money. so, please give me your free thoughts so that i may make a buck in these tough financial times ;)
third, i think my back up car, the Taurus(which really doesn't even deserve a capital T), is starting to overheat. fuck.
fourth, i was pondering on what to write about for my next (this) blog. one of the things i thought about was the amazing, AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, lack of driving skills most people in Wichita have. i got my first speeding ticket ever about a month ago. why a month ago? is it becasuse i never speed? infatically no. or is it because i tend to keep my head out of my ass when i drive? i think yes. now, i'm not perfect(you heard it here first folks), but i do know the basics and fundamentals. believe me this will be it's own post someday and i will warn you now that it will be so full of profanity that you may need to question your own moral center before reading it. you've been warned. it's coming.
5th. if you can count to ten then you can find a book in the Non-Fiction section of the library. leave me alone i want to listen to my iPod. by the way, check out the podcast "Uhh Yeah Dude". super funny.
6th. i didn't even have 6th until about 20 seconds ago when my sister just drunk called me. i have so many questions now. alas, i could not understand anything other than KU lost tonight (bummer) and that she really reallly realllllllllly reaaaaaaaalllllly loves me. shift the slurs where you must. i love you too seester!!
7th. i've had several people comment to me about reading my last post but i have had only one person, Houng (shout out), leave a comment. um.........i'm gonna go ahead and speak to everyone with my big girl pants on. i wear them quite frequently. please leave me some feedback because i am in the dark here. oh and how could i forget, shout out RandyH and KristenE. let me know what you think. what direction should i take this in. should it be directed? i love feedback and i can't a)get better or b)change anything without the info.
8th)there was an 8 when i started the 7. it's gone now. i'm on my way to facebook to Note my story. check it out. wear your big kid pants when you leave feedback becasue i want to know.
thank you.
if i don't say it enough i want to say it now. i love you all. tell your friends about me. if you think i'm worthy. if not, ...tell me why.
loves
Camille

if you're still reading this, you are beyond awesome.

I just read my last blog. What a bunch of crap. I just now had to reset my password to even log on becasue i couldn't remember the first one. I will say this, I remember that it was a pretty obscure passoword and I thought I should give myself a pat on the back for coming up with it, but to be honest I think I just looked at the magazine on the chair next to me at the time and went with a pretty close veriation of it. God I'm a freaking genious. But, back to the whole me not blogging for months. I don't really have a good excuse other than laziness and forgetfulness. I also partly just have no idea what to blog about. I've worried about getting too personal, which holds me back, and then i worry about being to vague and uninteresting and that holds me back. What i've come to realize is this, not only will i never be (hopefully) any kind of celebrity blogger, i don't want to be. so, the only other thing i know how to write about is me. once upon a time, say early 2000ish, i told my mom in an offhand sort of way that i wanted to do a documentary someday. about myself maybe. i will never forget what she said.... wait for it...." who would be interested in seeing a movie about your life?" ouch. ok, but, she wasn't saying this to be hurtful. in fact she's quite right. and that's what i've thought about so much. but again, here's what i've come to either understand, accept, give in to, 'other', or a combination of all....i may not have the most interesting life, but i can write it like i do :) short of that i can bitch and moan about things and probably always find at least one person who will take my side if necessary. and to that i say, vindication. :)

To sum up the last few months.......Matt and I are still together. if i'm going to stay true to this new leaf i've turned i will start with saying that i have really held back writing about my relationship for several reasons. 1. whatever is written down is somehow always permanent. especially this day and age (thank you Facebook for making the world even more paranoid than it was). 2. i've always been kinda supersticious. in this case i worry that writing about my relationship will somehow doom it. so, point in fact, if matt and i end up breaking up ever in the history of the world i now blame all the rest of the world. 3. i'm sure there are more points, like an actual 3 possibly even a 4 and 5 but i'm just gonna jump ahead and come back to those when and if i see fit.

so, we are doing good. we have our problems as any couple does, but i'd say overall we are pretty solid. a few weeks ago we booked a trip to hike/camp the Tahoe Rim Trail at Lake Tahoe. it's 165 miles of hiking, we are hoping to do it within 12 to 14 days. during this time, i will probably experience some of the most disgusting times in my life. for instance, i don't know when or if i'll be able to shower, we are bringing a spade to dig holes for pooing, just those two things alone sound bad right? well, here is by far the worst. two weeks...two freaking weeks of not being able to shave my legs. roll your eyes if you must, but for me having shaved legs is a girly thing. i am not and have never been (save but for a few possible times) a "girly girl". shaving my legs is one of those things that makes me feel sexy and womanly. i don't generally give a damn about makeup, but hairy ass legs? aggghh. this trip also means no "sexy time" for at least the amount of time we are camping. i would love to say that given the degree of severe lack of hygiene that that wouldn't even be an issue but there will probably be some point along the trail where matt does something really sexy, like save my life from a rabid opossum, or keep me from falling off a cliff, or a million other clumsy things i can and will probably do to injure myself, and in these times, as gross as i am, i will still want to make "sexy time", because i just can't help but finding him sexy. he thinks that's weird, i don't.

ok, there is still plenty more to go on here, but i'm starting to get drowsy. i will not promise to be back at any certain time because i've already failed once on that. so let's just say....keep your fingers crossed. :)

oh, i also have a request. this semester i am taking a creative writing class. i have to write a short story for the first half of the semester and a poem for the second half. i haven't finished the story yet but i'm getting close. i am thinking about posting it to get some feed back. but more importantly when it comes time to turn in a poem i was thinking of submitting my poem "Girl". that's my unofficial title to the one and only poem i've posted on this blog. if you are so inclined, it is titled as one of my archives, thursday april 3rd(?, i already forgot, but that's at least close) it also starts by saying, whatever it's friday. then it goes into the poem, once there was a girl, any girl.... i am asking anyone who would be willing to take a moment to maybe read it and get back to me on it. i am a huge fan of constructive criticism, i am a big girl and would love to hear some honest feed back from people that i actually give a damn about before i submit something so personal to a class full of jackasses. if you take me up on this the things i would like you to look for are personal reactions, a little bit of grammer, a little bit of puncutation, and just an overall thought on it. i'm terrible with the grammer, spelling, and puncuation of things so if you feel like getting all down and dirty then i warn you your efforts are sadly wasted on me. that's what editors are for. :) but please, say or comment how you see fit.
so, i leave you now with a strong hope that i will be back much much sooner than the last time. if you are reading this, thank you.
Camille