if you're still reading this, you are beyond awesome.

I just read my last blog. What a bunch of crap. I just now had to reset my password to even log on becasue i couldn't remember the first one. I will say this, I remember that it was a pretty obscure passoword and I thought I should give myself a pat on the back for coming up with it, but to be honest I think I just looked at the magazine on the chair next to me at the time and went with a pretty close veriation of it. God I'm a freaking genious. But, back to the whole me not blogging for months. I don't really have a good excuse other than laziness and forgetfulness. I also partly just have no idea what to blog about. I've worried about getting too personal, which holds me back, and then i worry about being to vague and uninteresting and that holds me back. What i've come to realize is this, not only will i never be (hopefully) any kind of celebrity blogger, i don't want to be. so, the only other thing i know how to write about is me. once upon a time, say early 2000ish, i told my mom in an offhand sort of way that i wanted to do a documentary someday. about myself maybe. i will never forget what she said.... wait for it...." who would be interested in seeing a movie about your life?" ouch. ok, but, she wasn't saying this to be hurtful. in fact she's quite right. and that's what i've thought about so much. but again, here's what i've come to either understand, accept, give in to, 'other', or a combination of all....i may not have the most interesting life, but i can write it like i do :) short of that i can bitch and moan about things and probably always find at least one person who will take my side if necessary. and to that i say, vindication. :)

To sum up the last few months.......Matt and I are still together. if i'm going to stay true to this new leaf i've turned i will start with saying that i have really held back writing about my relationship for several reasons. 1. whatever is written down is somehow always permanent. especially this day and age (thank you Facebook for making the world even more paranoid than it was). 2. i've always been kinda supersticious. in this case i worry that writing about my relationship will somehow doom it. so, point in fact, if matt and i end up breaking up ever in the history of the world i now blame all the rest of the world. 3. i'm sure there are more points, like an actual 3 possibly even a 4 and 5 but i'm just gonna jump ahead and come back to those when and if i see fit.

so, we are doing good. we have our problems as any couple does, but i'd say overall we are pretty solid. a few weeks ago we booked a trip to hike/camp the Tahoe Rim Trail at Lake Tahoe. it's 165 miles of hiking, we are hoping to do it within 12 to 14 days. during this time, i will probably experience some of the most disgusting times in my life. for instance, i don't know when or if i'll be able to shower, we are bringing a spade to dig holes for pooing, just those two things alone sound bad right? well, here is by far the worst. two weeks...two freaking weeks of not being able to shave my legs. roll your eyes if you must, but for me having shaved legs is a girly thing. i am not and have never been (save but for a few possible times) a "girly girl". shaving my legs is one of those things that makes me feel sexy and womanly. i don't generally give a damn about makeup, but hairy ass legs? aggghh. this trip also means no "sexy time" for at least the amount of time we are camping. i would love to say that given the degree of severe lack of hygiene that that wouldn't even be an issue but there will probably be some point along the trail where matt does something really sexy, like save my life from a rabid opossum, or keep me from falling off a cliff, or a million other clumsy things i can and will probably do to injure myself, and in these times, as gross as i am, i will still want to make "sexy time", because i just can't help but finding him sexy. he thinks that's weird, i don't.

ok, there is still plenty more to go on here, but i'm starting to get drowsy. i will not promise to be back at any certain time because i've already failed once on that. so let's just say....keep your fingers crossed. :)

oh, i also have a request. this semester i am taking a creative writing class. i have to write a short story for the first half of the semester and a poem for the second half. i haven't finished the story yet but i'm getting close. i am thinking about posting it to get some feed back. but more importantly when it comes time to turn in a poem i was thinking of submitting my poem "Girl". that's my unofficial title to the one and only poem i've posted on this blog. if you are so inclined, it is titled as one of my archives, thursday april 3rd(?, i already forgot, but that's at least close) it also starts by saying, whatever it's friday. then it goes into the poem, once there was a girl, any girl.... i am asking anyone who would be willing to take a moment to maybe read it and get back to me on it. i am a huge fan of constructive criticism, i am a big girl and would love to hear some honest feed back from people that i actually give a damn about before i submit something so personal to a class full of jackasses. if you take me up on this the things i would like you to look for are personal reactions, a little bit of grammer, a little bit of puncutation, and just an overall thought on it. i'm terrible with the grammer, spelling, and puncuation of things so if you feel like getting all down and dirty then i warn you your efforts are sadly wasted on me. that's what editors are for. :) but please, say or comment how you see fit.
so, i leave you now with a strong hope that i will be back much much sooner than the last time. if you are reading this, thank you.
Camille